Find YOU again.

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Dating is complicated for me.

I’m not big on food, much less public eating.

The conversation is usually banal… same old what do you like (blah blah…)

After telling 10 different guys what I like, I myself begin to wonder if that’s what I actually like.

Hell; I lie 60% of the time to these guys. Possibly because it’s so amusing how I can switch to a completely different person based on these lies yet never get caught.

***

This boy here in town said he’d love me forever. Who would have thought that forever could be severed by finding my worth?

My ex nicknamed me “madwoman”; foolish I was to think it was cute then until it dawned on me that he probably did see me as a mentally unstable person.

Not particularly because I had some sort of insanity but because I wouldn’t do the regular. Hence; the gaslighting which followed.

Funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving… 

Why do I tell you this?

It is because so many of us (male & female alike) have lost ourselves trying to hold on to this love facade.

It is no longer an emotion but a situation we plunge deep into; head first, no safety net, but do we care?

***

I want you around…

“A lover for a time drives the loneliness away for a while”… this is the unspoken motto.

Time after time, we keep trying to measure up to these ridiculous standards. They cheat? It’s okay. They belittle you? Still, it’s okay. Because you ain’t nobody till you got somebody… some have said.

It’s okay not to be okay.

It’s quite saddening to realize how much suffering is now attached with the word love.

People say “I love you because after all I’ve put you through, you stuck by me”

Brethren, that is not love.

When you love someone, you wouldn’t intentionally put them through so much pain just to prove a needless conspiracy that the one that stays is the one who deserves this toxic “love” you offer.

You’re asking me to feel things you never show…

***

I take pride in my weirdness. It’s an attribute that I know will be my saving grace someday. Not sure when or how yet but I’m banking on it. 

Now’s as good a time as any to take the reins on your life and move in the direction that makes you happiest even if you have to travel alone for now; find yourself then love will find you. 💕

Find your way home to You! 

 

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