Touch Me Not!

Where there is desire, there is going to be a flame. Where there is a flame; Someone is bound to get burned but just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re going to die. You’ve got to get up and try.

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I’ve got some secrets I forgot to mention.
I have been learning my lesson…

I’m a very private person but after screaming “we are family” for months, the motto has finally come back to bite me in the behind.

This is such a personal and hard to narrate article for me because it hits close to home.

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This may just be the hardest piece I’ve written thus far. 

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I saw the above photo and my heart was absolutely shattered. I’d prefer not to talk about it which is why I’m writing about it… Now.

Haven experienced molestation and near rape crisis severally first hand, I can tell you its not an easy ordeal.

I cannot begin to wrap my head around why one would allow perversion consume them so.

If you cannot control yourself then you don’t deserve to own a joystick…

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Molestation takes place in several forms. It doesn’t happen to only children or a specific gender; although it is most common amongst the females.

Whatever religion you may practice; we all have a conscience. Some just choose to suppress it.

The conscience is there to numb the vanity else we’d be empty souls floating in bodies consumed by lust.

Just because I like sugar doesn’t mean I should go swim in a pool of honey.

There are always consequences to our actions.

All I really want is to start again…

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I was barely a teenager when I first experienced this, till this day; my biggest regret is the fact that I was never able to see the face of my first abuser.

I had no sexual presence at the time and it was dark… A total stranger (a friend of a friend of a family member; I suppose)  casually walked into a room to find a sleeping child and decided to “have his feel“.

I laid there sobbing and stiff. I never summoned the courage to report a faceless molester so I dealt with it on my own.

Years later… My friends and I decided to go clubbing with some guys (tertiary stage); we got back to their home and everyone else passed out so I kept watch over my friends until sleep took me.

My friends had switched rooms apparently. I woke up half naked with his hand in between my thighs.

My God! Not again! 

What exactly happened?

Till today, I don’t know the gruesome details. Neither did the moron; or maybe he just withheld the details.

I was too ashamed to pursue the issue back then so I let it go.

I wasn’t raped but I must have been drugged and then heavily molested. 

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Sadly, once again; I had to deal with it on my own because, you see; we were at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong crowd.

The school wouldn’t have helped me. They’d probably have done whatever was best for their image.

Once again; “what would people say” caused me to be silent.

I left that institution, never saw the perpetrator again… So far.

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Got into another institution, few days in and I got robbed and almost raped.

At this point; with a gun pointed to my head, I decided to flee. Risk being shot to death but I was simply not going to stand there and be raped! Never!

I decided to go visit Jesus in heaven instead.

No man was going to touch me without my permission. Not ever again!

So I fled…

Its a miracle I’m alive today to narrate this ordeal. God be praised!!! 

There is this insuppressible anger you feel for years, the disgust with yourself, the endless fear of it repeating itself.

I cannot begin to tell you the countless nightmares and panic attacks I have experienced due to the trauma but one thing I got from this is HOPE…

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Now I know nothing and no one can tear me down. I have found a strength so unspeakable and a pure heart that I wouldn’t trade.

I have since moved on from the pain and shame because I’ve found talking about it helps.

Not having to feel guilty for a situation in which I was a victim is a great relief.

I now live a very careful life and keep my circle small to avoid such unfortunate incidents from happening again so I guess the impact never really wears off…

The world comes in to build a wall within us. Don’t let them win!!!

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Hey now; won’t you want to see the end of this journey with me? 💑

Gather up your tears, keep them in your pockets. Save it for a time when you’re really gonna need them.

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I forgave but I won’t forget…

I am finally sharing this to encourage others to speak out and to inform you that you’re gonna be just fine.

You will overcome.

Looks like you’ve given up. You’ve had enough but I won’t stop because I just know you’ll come around, like I did.

I won’t just stand here and watch you fall.❤💙

 

2 thoughts on “Touch Me Not!

  1. You once share a secret with me that o kept for so long hidden in my mind that I forgot what it was to begin and now I am reminded of it and I can relate cause I too have been in such a predicament and I feel we are of kindred spirits… But alas I have never had the boldness to admit my victimization to my family for my preditors where among my own and for that I shall and cannot speak for the fear of begin seen as shameful but I support you in your efforts to stop molestation in any form it may come let us fight against it not just for girls but boys a like for we are all one and we should love one another and not hurt one another. I am truly proud of you and to know you. Love Prida…

    Liked by 1 person

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